A few months back I watched this video. I'm sure lots of people saw it, since it was floating around on Facebook for awhile. It is clever and entertaining. It is made by a well known baby formula company and jokingly shows different groups of people with varying ideas of what and how is best to feed baby. But for me it was very thought provoking. It brought to my mind a larger issue than whether to choose formula or breast milk.
The issue it brought to my mind is what I am calling "Mom Shaming." I'm sure you have heard the term "Fat Shaming" since it is pretty well known right now. It essentially is when someone makes another person feel bad because she is built a little different than the swimsuit models we see on magazine covers. Don't get me wrong. I, for one, love the idea of teaching women (young and old) to love the body that God gave them. Whether a size 2 or a size 22, we are each unique and need not compare ourselves and think we are somehow "less than" if we don't look exactly like somebody else. But that's not my focus for this post.
So what do I mean by "Mom Shaming"? We have probably all felt it from time to time. Either by someone intentionally or by us making ourselves feel it.
The list of areas to feel shamed over is large: homeschooling, private or public schooling; breast milk or formula; organic foods or fast food; spanking or time outs; immunization or non immunization; parent led or baby led sleep training; stay at home mom or working mom.. The list goes on and on.
What I have come to realize in my years of mothering is that each of us are different. Each of us have certain standard and ideas as to how we want to mother our precious children. And that is how it should be!! Aside from something that goes against what the Bible teaches us as parents to do, we should feel the freedom of choosing what is best for OUR family. Sadly though, often times this is not what happens. We hear of the mom who only feeds her kids food that she planted as seeds and grew on her own land organically and suddenly you feel it... The shame that our kids ate fast food that day.
Whether we choose to home school, immunize, breast feed or not should not be a measuring stick amongst us mommies! We should be cheering each other on in this joyous (yet exhausting) job as Mother.
If each of us is doing what we think the Lord wants us to do then who is anyone to judge. Being a mom is hard work. It can be discouraging and lonely at times. It is often a thankless job. But it is what we are called to do!! God will give us the grace and strength to do it.
So instead of feeling shame when we hear that we mother differently than someone else, may we be excited to see a fellow mom doing what has been put in her heart to do. May we root for each other in this glorious task! If we are terrible at growing veggies let us encourage and complement the mom who has the gift of a green thumb. If we choose to use homeopathic ways to help our children get over a sickness instead of a prescription from a doctor, let's not make her feel bad for doing so and instead let her know that we are praying for her child and we are here to help if she needs it.
I strongly believe there are definite rights and wrongs according to the Bible, but I also believe there are many areas of preference in parenting. My heart in this post is not to point fingers because I have often been guilty of thinking my way is best. My desire is to remind us to look out and see other moms who are parenting in different ways than we are and celebrate that we are all doing our best. Even if it looks totally different.
So be encouraged if you fall victim to Mom Shaming. Be encouraged that we all have felt it, we all struggle with it and we are all in this thing together!
great post! thanks for the encouragement ~abby a.
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